Decisions

Decisions, decisions...
A human's life constantly revolves around it, and is also constantly determined by it. It's something in life we can't ever escape from, no matter how much we may want to sometimes.

It amazes me sometimes how God actually gave us a will of our own to make our own decisions, even though He already knew that we wouldn't always be making the right ones from the start. But that's beside the point I guess, God always works in ways that we may never truly understand.

And talking about making the right ones, well, all I can say is that I'm not particularly good at making decisions either. After all these years, I've had my fair share of choices to choose from and decisions to make too. From making decisions in major situations like life, studies and friendships, to the really minor things like what to wear to a party, or what to eat at a really fancy restaurant, I have to say that I haven't always made the best of decisions.

But to err is human, is it not? So am I totally not to blame for making the wrong decisions then? I'd like to think so, but my conscience and my heart tells me that that isn't right at all. I know and I do realize that I'm allowed to make mistakes now and then, and by doing so only will I be able to learn from it, but sometimes, I just can't help but think that certain bad decisions were made deliberately on my part in the past. I may have learned what was wrong and what was right by making all those mistakes in the past, but I'm sad to say that that doesn't guarantee I won't be repeating those mistakes all over again in the future.

Over the years, I have made my share of bad decisions, causing not just strife but also pain and tears to those around me and also to myself. I've made decisions that I've come to regret so much later on, and I've made decisions that didn't much fall well in the eyes of others. But I also can't deny that I've made some good decisions as well. Decisions that have brought me closer to God, decisions that have given me more strength to continue with life, decisions that have brought joy to the hearts of others, as well as decisions I will always be proud of no matter what happens.

I can't exactly say that I'm totally free from the stress of making decisions right now, and I can't really say that the decisions I have to make are all minor ones as well. But I can say, that although some decisions may impact my life severely in the future, I won't be regretting the decisions I choose to take from now on. I'm glad to have friends out there who have stood by me and given me unending support all this while, to have a family who has always been there for me regardless of all the stupid mistakes and wrong decisions I've made, as well as God who has always listened to my prayers and has been a strong pillar of support for me to rely on.

I may not always make the right decisions, or even make decisions that you'd be expecting me to make. But it's my right to choose what I want to do in life, and that's what will shape my future, and make me, me.




PS. Like gosh, I can't believe my brain was capable of such vocabulary and grammar after such a long absence from writing (Well, not like I used any big, bombastic words anyway. Haha!). This was just something that crossed my tired mind. Please direct all screams and support to the comment box. Thank you very much. Silent approval of the above matter is much appreciated as well.